What is self-injury?
Self-injury is where someone injures or hurts themselves on purpose whilst trying to deal with intense, distressing and intrusive thoughts. They may feel numb and hurt themselves in order to feel something, anything.
It can be incredibly worrying for all those involved to discover a child is self-harming. The important thing to remember, is you are not alone in this journey. Lots of young people go through this and do come out the other side with healthier ways to manage their emotions and coping with difficult feelings.
Self-injury and suicide rates have been increasing among adolescents since 2009,” says psychologist Kristen Eastman, PsyD. Nobody knows for sure why this is, but there are likely a number of contributing factors.
Some possible explanations include increased economic pressure on families, more stress on teenagers, problematic phone use that contributes to depressed mood, and cyberbullying. It’s also possible that teenagers are simply reporting self-harm more often than they used to.
Self-harm can take many forms; below is some examples, but not all:
Cutting themselves
Biting the skin
Pulling hair from the body – head, eyebrows, eyelashes
Burning the skin
Scratching the skin
Hitting themselves
Banging the head or other parts of the body against the wall
Inserting objects into the body
It is important to get wounds checked and seek medical attention if needed. Also having an honest conversation about safety if they are engaging with cutting behaviours. I.E – Making sure the blade is clean, the wound is cleaned afterwards with sterile water, and the wound is dressed if required.
If you notice signs a young person is self-harming, it may indicate something in their life is not quite right. They may be dealing with too much and be feeling overwhelmed.
There are a few signs to look out for:
The young person may have noticeable injuries or multiple marks on the skin. The injuries may be in close proximity or they may not be able to explain the injuries. The young person may also have a fascination with self-injury, watching videos or seeking out content online. They may also be hiding the skin and avoiding showing certain parts of the body, i.e. long sleeves on hot days. You may also notice a shift of behaviour; The young person may appear more anxious or depressed and appear more isolated than before.
Self-harm may release those initial tensions; however, it only provides temporary relief. The feeling will return and therefore the urge to self-harm will return, a cycle is then created. As this cycle continues, the young person self-harming may start to feel ashamed or embarrassed about the fact they are self-harming and then this will increase their anxiety and stress levels, therefore adding more pressure on top with what they are already going through.
When talking to young people about their self-harm, please remember that it is not for attention seeking. It is their way of letting out some pain. Ensure the child knows you still love and care for them, listen to them and offer reassurance. Such as: ‘we will work on this together’ and ‘I see you are in pain, and want to help.’ Some things that are not so helpful and may add even more pressure, could be, forcing your child to talk when they are not ready. Also, try and avoid minimising their feelings or brushing of the behaviour, by saying things like ‘You will grow out of it’. Finally putting too much pressure on them to stop, this could make the young person even more stressed.
There are some short- and long-term solutions.
Short term help:
Short term, there are many different ways to release those emotions. You can encourage them to let it out, physically, work out what you are feeling or get creative. Below are some examples of each -
Physically:
Scream as loud as you can
HIT a cushion / punch bag / throw a cushion against a wall
Kick a football against a wall
Squeeze ice or squeeze a stress ball
Scribble all over an old book
Tear up a newspaper/phone directory
Draw on yourself with a red pen
Work out what you are feeling:
Ask yourself “Do I feel ANGRY?’ ‘Do I feel anxious?’ ‘What about?’
Allow yourself to cry (if you can)
Talk to someone you feel comfortable with or write them a letter
Write a letter to someone you’re angry with (hurt by) saying how you feel (No need to send it)
Write a list of your achievements
Write a letter to yourself saying ‘I love YOU because….’
Make a list of things you’re thankful for
Make a wish list
Do mindfulness/ meditation – give yourself time to let the urge pass
Get creative:
Draw / paint / collage / paper mache / finger paint / sculpt in clay - to express what you want to do or what you are feeling
Write a poem / story / song / joke / autobiography / parody / musical
Write a DIARY / journal or read old diaries (unless there might be triggers)
Scribble a word again and again to say how you’re feeling e.g. ‘lonely’, ‘angry’
Deface a magazine (preferably your own)
Paint with red paint using your fingers
Take some photos
Play an instrument / Sing to music as LOUD as you can
Put on music which expresses how you are feeling
Imagine a colour which expresses your feelings then change it in your mind to another colour
Make a memory box / scrapbook
Write an alternative ending to a story
Create your own cartoon characters / legends
Another useful idea for young people is to create a distraction box. A box filled with different activates they enjoy doing when that urge is strong. It could be filled with colouring books, earphones (reminder to listen to music) scented candles or incense to help engage other senses. It is also a good idea to include fidget toys or stress balls, again different ways to engage the senses. It might also be useful to keep some photographs or reminder of a special memory. The box will be completely personal and unique to the young person.
Long term help:
The following is some ideas on how to help your child over a longer period of time:
Try to keep the conversation going – allow the young person space to talk and let them know they can talk to you anytime.
Try and stay calm and non-judgemental
Think together about what could be causing them to self-harm
Help them to identify triggers and their emotions when it happens
Spend time together doing activates they enjoy
Keep an eye on the behaviour but without making the feel policed
Seek professional help i.e. GP, counselling.
It can be incredibly difficult when a loved one is engaging in self-injury. Make sure you are looking after yourself too. Engage in self-care and seek support for yourself if you are struggling.
Remember, from every wound there is an emotional scar and every scar tells a story. A story that say’s, I survived.
Written by: Zoe Burnett,
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March, 2022