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When Therapy Goes Wrong: Breaking up with "Bad" Therapists

Therapy can be a powerful, life-changing journey - a space to process deep emotions, gain insight, and work toward healing. Yet, as important as it is, therapy doesn’t always go as expected. Not all therapists approach their work with the same level of care, and while most therapists want to help, some may fall short of the professionalism and empathy essential to a safe therapeutic environment. Sometimes, clients encounter therapists who taunt, shame, or blame them for not “healing fast enough” or question whether they really want to improve. This kind of behavior is damaging, often subtle, and unfortunately not rare. Therapy is meant to be a safe, supportive journey, free from judgment, guilt, and shame.



One of the biggest red flags in therapy is when a therapist rushes or criticizes a client’s pace of healing. Genuine therapists understand that healing is not linear; it doesn’t follow a set timeline or “finish” as soon as certain goals are reached or just happen within the fixed number of sessions. Progress varies with each person, and it’s influenced by factors that range from trauma history to available support systems. A skilled therapist will recognize this variability and adapt to each person’s unique pace. But if you find yourself leaving sessions feeling criticized or as if you need to “perform” in order to meet your therapist’s expectations, this can be a sign that the therapist lacks empathy, flexibility, or both. Therapy should be a place to feel understood and validated, not rushed or shamed - you are there to heal at your own pace and not to make your therapist feel good that they've "fixed you" while maintaining some sort of an average or meeting a target of number of sessions.


Sometimes, harmful therapists will even go so far as to imply that a client “doesn’t really want to get better.” Such a statement is both dismissive and damaging; it undermines the whole purpose of therapy by shaming someone for not yet feeling ready, or able, to recover. For those experiencing deep struggles, the desire to get better may be there but hidden beneath layers of fear, doubt, or emotional fatigue. A caring therapist will acknowledge these feelings and explore the reasons behind them, helping clients understand that such barriers are often part of the process. On the other hand, if a therapist makes you feel like you're failing by not achieving recovery quickly, they're likely reinforcing the very pain and uncertainty you came to therapy to resolve.


In addition to shaming and rushing clients, harmful therapists may violate other boundaries essential to the therapy space. For instance, confidentiality is a non-negotiable ethical standard in therapy. If a therapist discloses details of your sessions without permission, even to colleagues, it’s a serious breach of trust. Therapy should feel like a sanctuary for clients—an entirely safe space. Additionally, if a therapist overshares about their personal life or attempts to establish a friendship outside of therapy, it can blur the lines between professional and personal boundaries, making the client feel uncomfortable or unsure of the therapist’s motives.


Sometimes, a therapist might pressure you to forgive people who have hurt you or suggest that forgiving them is essential to your healing. While forgiveness can be healing for some, it’s a deeply personal choice, and no one should feel forced into it. A harmful therapist might hint that by holding onto past hurts, you’re “inviting” pain into your life or somehow responsible for others’ poor treatment of you. Worse still, they might subtly suggest that others’ criticisms of you are valid or deserved, reinforcing the hurt rather than helping you process and move beyond it. Instead of fostering growth, these comments can make you feel small, insecure, and misunderstood—undermining your sense of self-worth and agency. Therapy should empower you, honoring your experiences without diminishing your feelings or decisions.


Another sign of a harmful therapist is when they push their personal beliefs onto clients rather than providing unbiased, professional support. For example, if a therapist frequently shifts the conversation toward their own experiences, or they impose opinions that dismiss your individual beliefs or background, it’s a sign that their approach lacks the neutrality essential to productive therapy. Therapy should foster self-exploration and encourage clients to find their own insights; it’s not a space for the therapist’s personal beliefs.


Quick fixes or dismissive solutions, such as “Just think positively” or “Why not get over it?” are also signals that a therapist may not fully understand the complexity of mental health. For clients dealing with trauma, depression, or anxiety, recovery is not about flipping a switch but engaging in a gradual, supportive process that can be difficult and unpredictable. Simplistic responses like these indicate that a therapist might lack the patience, empathy, or training to work effectively with complex issues, which can make clients feel invalidated or misunderstood.


There are many reasons why a therapist might behave unprofessionally. Burnout is one factor; like all people, therapists can experience stress and fatigue, which sometimes affects their judgment and patience. However, burnout is no excuse for compromising a client’s well-being. Additionally, some therapists may take on cases that fall outside their expertise—like a general therapist attempting to work with severe trauma—leading to inappropriate or insensitive responses. Some therapists may also struggle with personal biases they haven’t fully acknowledged, which can surface in therapy and alienate clients with differing backgrounds or beliefs.


The impact of harmful therapy experiences on clients can be profound. When a therapist breaches trust or crosses boundaries, it can erode the confidence that clients have not only in their therapist but in mental health support as a whole. After a bad experience, many people hesitate to return to therapy, fearing they’ll encounter the same negativity or feel retraumatized. In some cases, harmful comments or behavior from a therapist reinforce the very insecurities or self-doubts that clients are trying to overcome. A client who hears that they’re “not trying hard enough” or “not really committed” may internalize this and feel worse about themselves.


If you recognize any of these behaviors in your therapist, it’s important to trust your instincts. Therapy should be a space for support and understanding, not a source of additional guilt or pressure. If you’re feeling discouraged or uncomfortable after sessions, take time to reflect on whether the issue lies in your approach to therapy or in the therapist’s conduct. Sometimes, communicating your concerns directly with the therapist can help, as some may not realize the impact of their words or approach. However, if the behavior feels too ingrained or unchangeable, finding a different therapist may be the best choice.


Seeking a second opinion can help clarify whether your experience is typical or a sign of unprofessional behavior. Consulting with a different therapist, even briefly, can validate your feelings and provide guidance on what you might need in a therapist-client relationship. Every therapist has unique training and specialties, and finding one with experience in your specific needs—whether trauma, anxiety, or another focus—can make a tremendous difference.


If the behavior is clearly unethical, such as breaching confidentiality or making inappropriate advances, you have the option to report it to the therapist’s licensing body. Though reporting may feel intimidating, it can protect other potential clients and ensure accountability within the mental health field. Remember, therapy exists to benefit you, and you deserve an experience that respects your pace, acknowledges your feelings, and prioritizes your well-being.


While finding a trustworthy therapist might feel challenging, there are many compassionate and skilled professionals committed to providing the care you deserve. Therapy is a partnership based on mutual respect and understanding, and with time and patience, you can find a therapist who genuinely listens, cares, and collaborates with you on your journey to healing. If you’ve encountered an unprofessional therapist, it doesn’t define therapy as a whole. A supportive, positive therapeutic relationship is possible, and you have every right to advocate for yourself until you find it.


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Written by: Vedica Podar



September, 2024

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