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Sarcasm, Humour & the Silent Struggles We Hide

Updated: Jul 19

It’s said that laughter is the best medicine, but what happens when laughter becomes a shield? For many, humour is a way to connect, to bond, or to break the ice in difficult situations. But for some, beneath the wit and the punchlines can lie a world of unseen struggle. Humour and sarcasm are often celebrated as marks of intelligence or charm, yet for some, they are carefully constructed defenses against vulnerability and emotional pain.


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Think of the funniest person you know. Chances are, their humour is effortless, quick, and sometimes self-deprecating. Now, consider the possibility that their humour isn’t always rooted in joy but in survival. For those grappling with anxiety, depression, or even trauma, humour can serve as a lifeline, a way to diffuse their own discomfort and protect themselves from probing questions or deeper connections they aren’t ready to confront. Sarcasm, in particular, often functions as a subtle form of deflection. A sarcastic comment about how “well” someone is doing may seem lighthearted but can mask feelings of failure or inadequacy.


Culturally, this masking behavior is reinforced. Society admires resilience and toughness, leaving little room for emotional transparency. The ability to laugh at oneself is often seen as a strength, but what if that laughter is a way to avoid facing difficult truths? For instance, someone experiencing burnout might crack jokes about their endless workload, while internally they’re struggling to keep afloat. A friend might make sarcastic remarks about their “terrible” sleep schedule, masking the underlying insomnia tied to anxiety. These moments pass as casual banter, leaving the pain behind them unnoticed.


Humour as a coping mechanism is neither inherently good nor bad. On one hand, it can help individuals endure difficult moments by creating distance from their pain. It can bring levity to situations that feel unbearably heavy and foster connection in shared experiences of hardship. On the other hand, it can become isolating when it prevents deeper engagement with one’s emotions or with others. The problem arises when the humour becomes so ingrained that it starts to suppress the very vulnerabilities that need attention.


Recognizing this dynamic is particularly important in mental health awareness. For those who rely on humour to cope, reaching out for help can feel like admitting weakness. The fear of being seen as “too much” or “not funny anymore” can be a significant barrier. This is compounded by the stigma that still surrounds mental health struggles, where admitting to pain feels counter to the persona they’ve built.


For those on the outside, friends, family, or colleagues, it’s crucial to notice the nuances. Pay attention to the humour that feels pointedly self-critical or consistently dismissive of deeper issues. Listen to the jokes that come up in moments of visible stress or sadness. While it’s not always appropriate to probe too deeply, creating a safe space where someone feels comfortable opening up without judgment can make all the difference.


Breaking through this humour-based armor doesn’t mean asking someone to stop being funny or sarcastic. Rather, it’s about helping them feel seen and understood beyond their defenses. This can be as simple as checking in with them or letting them know it’s okay to express emotions without filtering them through humour.


For the person who uses humour as a mask, it’s worth exploring whether the laughter is still serving you or if it’s keeping you stuck. Therapy, journaling, or even just opening up to a trusted friend can be valuable steps toward breaking down the walls that humour has built. It’s not about abandoning humour altogether but about finding a balance where it complements, rather than replaces, genuine emotional expression.


Humour and sarcasm are powerful tools. They can lighten heavy moments and bring people together. But when they become a constant escape from vulnerability, they can also deepen isolation and pain. Behind every witty remark and every perfectly timed joke might lie someone longing to be understood, not just for their humour but for their full, unfiltered self.


Written by: Yash Mehrotra



July, 2025

 
 
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