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Weight of the Holidays: When Festive Traditions Hurt More Than Heal

For many, the arrival of the holiday season, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, is wrapped in warmth, nostalgia, and joy. But for others, the same twinkling lights and seasonal traditions can provoke a deep sense of loneliness, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm. It’s a contradiction not often spoken about openly, partly because these seasons are so tightly tied to expectations of happiness, family togetherness, and gratitude. When you don’t feel those things, it’s easy to believe something is wrong with you, when in reality, the environment itself can be emotionally triggering.


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Seasonal traditions are powerful carriers of memory. They come with rituals that have often been practiced year after year, sometimes for generations. These rituals may be tied to people we’ve lost, childhoods that weren’t as joyful as the world insists they should have been, or to family dynamics that are strained at best and toxic at worst. When these traditions resurface every year, they can feel less like celebrations and more like confrontations with grief, loss, or emotional wounds that haven't quite healed.


Family gatherings, while portrayed as moments of unity and love, can be riddled with tension. They can reopen old wounds, expose relational dynamics we try to avoid throughout the rest of the year, or simply remind us of what or who we wish we had with us at the time. For those estranged from family, or grieving the absence of a loved one, the enforced cheer of the season can be isolating. Social media only amplifies this contrast, with constant streams of curated joy making it feel like everyone else is surrounded by love, while you’re somehow on the outside.


For people with mental health struggles, especially depression, anxiety, eating disorders, or trauma histories, these seasons can be a minefield. The pressure to feel grateful or festive, to partake in food-centric events, to perform happiness, all while internally struggling, can feel suffocating. Even people who generally manage well might find themselves unraveling under the weight of social obligations and expectations they can’t meet or don’t want to.


The financial stress that often accompanies these holidays can’t be ignored either. For many families, the pressure to give gifts, travel, or host gatherings adds to an already fragile emotional state. The inability to participate in these rituals the “right” way can leave individuals feeling inadequate or left out. Children internalize this too, especially when they compare their experiences to what they see their peers enjoying.


What makes all of this harder is the culture of silence around these feelings. It’s hard to admit you’re not excited about the holidays without fearing judgment. Many keep quiet, masking their distress with fake smiles or avoidant behavior, further alienating themselves. The world’s refusal to make space for people struggling during these times only deepens the emotional burden.


But recognizing that seasonal traditions can be painful is a first step toward healing. It allows us to approach the season with more compassion - for ourselves and for others. It means giving ourselves permission to feel what we feel, to opt out of things that don’t serve us, or to create new traditions that are more aligned with where we are emotionally and mentally. It might look like celebrating with chosen family, traveling instead of staying home, volunteering to shift the focus, or simply resting without guilt.


If you’re someone who struggles during this season, know that you’re not alone. There is no universal template for how to feel about the holidays, and no shame in experiencing sadness, anxiety, or dread. Talking about it with someone you trust, seeking professional help, or even journaling your emotions can offer some relief. Creating a plan to navigate difficult events, setting boundaries around what you will or won’t attend, or preparing responses to invasive questions can also help preserve your mental well-being.


And for those who enjoy the season but want to support loved ones who might not, the best gift you can give is empathy. Make space for them without assuming what they should feel. Avoid platitudes like “But it’s Christmas!” or “At least you have…” and instead say, “I see that this is hard for you. I'm here.” The holidays don’t have to be picture-perfect to be meaningful, and the more we acknowledge the emotional complexity they carry, the closer we get to making them truly inclusive.


Written by: Vedica Podar



November, 2025

 
 
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