Grief is often spoken about as though it has a beginning, middle, and end. Many of us are told that grief fades, that time heals all wounds, or that eventually, we “move on.” However, anyone who has walked through the experience of profound loss knows that grief does not adhere to a neat timeline. Grief is not a journey with a fixed destination; it is more like a companion that walks alongside us in various forms throughout our lives.
Grief is a natural response to loss, and it manifests differently for everyone. Some people feel waves of sadness, others experience numbness, while others might find themselves unexpectedly angry or guilt-ridden. Often, these emotions intertwine and shift, leaving those grieving feeling like they are on a rollercoaster they did not ask to ride. For many, grief is a process that transforms over time, but it does not disappear. It is a part of us that we learn to carry. Grief can fade into the background, becoming more manageable, only to resurface at unexpected times—a smell, a song, a memory that brings it back to the forefront. This experience underscores a vital truth: grief is not something that goes away, but rather something that changes shape as we grow around it.
Society often expects grieving individuals to “move on” after a certain period. Whether it’s a few weeks, months, or even years, there is an unspoken assumption that life should return to “normal.” This idea places a heavy burden on those grieving, making them feel pressured to mask their pain or “get over” their loss for the comfort of others. However, grief is not something we move on from; it’s something we learn to live with. Moving forward does not mean leaving the memory of a loved one behind. It does not mean forgetting the impact they had on our lives. Instead, moving forward is about integrating that loss into our identity. It’s about finding ways to honor the memory of the person or thing we’ve lost and allowing that memory to coexist with new experiences, relationships, and aspirations. Grief becomes a part of who we are, shaping how we see the world and how we interact with it.
The process of grieving is not a straight line. It ebbs and flows, sometimes resurfacing unexpectedly after years of calm. You might feel at peace one day, only to be hit by an intense wave of sadness the next. Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, and even seemingly unrelated events can trigger a resurgence of grief. For instance, the anniversary of a loved one’s passing can bring back a deep sense of loss, even if you have found joy in life again. This cyclical nature of grief is often misunderstood by those who have not experienced profound loss. They might question why the pain “still” lingers or why you “still” miss someone after so many years. But grief is woven into the fabric of our being, resurfacing when it needs to remind us of the love and the loss we carry.
Rather than seeing grief as something to conquer or eliminate, we can learn to see it as a form of love that endures. The grief we feel is a testament to the depth of our connection with what we have lost, whether it’s a person, a pet, a job, a home, or even a certain phase of life. Embracing grief as a lasting part of ourselves allows us to honor that connection, without feeling pressured to “fix” it. Grief can evolve into something that carries meaning. It might lead us to support others going through similar experiences, to advocate for causes that resonate with our loss, or to find new ways of honoring the memories of those we miss. In this way, grief becomes a form of legacy - a continuation of the love we hold for someone or something that was dear to us.
Acceptance is not about “getting over” the loss; it is about acknowledging the space that loss holds within us and making peace with it. Accepting grief as a permanent part of life does not mean surrendering to constant sadness. Rather, it is about allowing yourself to feel your emotions without judgment, giving yourself permission to experience the full spectrum of grief as it arises. Acceptance also means giving ourselves the grace to grieve in our unique way. There is no right or wrong way to process loss. Some people find comfort in talking about their loved ones; others may prefer to keep those memories private. Some find solace in creating rituals or traditions that honor the person they lost, while others may not. Each of these paths is valid. The only “wrong” way to grieve is to deny ourselves the space to feel.
Over time, grief may become a quieter presence, allowing us to find new joys and new relationships without feeling guilty. This doesn’t mean that we stop missing what we lost; it means that we have expanded our lives to include both the memory of that loss and the possibilities of the present. We can learn to laugh, love, and dream again, not as replacements for what we lost, but as additions to our lives. Building a life alongside grief requires patience and compassion toward oneself. It involves recognizing that we are not “betraying” the memory of what we lost by choosing to live fully. Grief and joy can coexist, and learning to hold space for both is an essential part of healing.
One of the most compassionate things we can do for ourselves and others is to normalize the idea that grief doesn’t have an expiration date. Just as each person’s experience of loss is unique, so too is their journey with grief. We can offer support by allowing people to share their stories, by listening without judgment, and by resisting the urge to suggest that their sadness should have an end date. When we embrace the concept that grief is a lifelong journey, we foster a culture that respects the profound impact of loss. It also helps us make it okay for people to revisit their grief without shame and allow them the freedom to remember their loved ones in their own way.
If you are grieving, remember that you do not need to rush or justify your feelings to anyone. Grief is not a problem to be solved; it is a part of the human experience. Whether it’s been months, years, or even decades, your grief is valid. It’s okay to miss what you’ve lost, and it’s okay to carry that loss as a part of you. There will be good days, and there will be hard days, and both are normal. In those moments when grief feels heavy, know that you are not alone. Countless others walk with you in this journey, carrying their own stories of love and loss. And while each person’s experience is different, the universality of grief connects us all in a profound way.
Grief does not have a finish line; it does not come with a manual or a timeline for resolution. It is an ongoing process, a way of honoring what we’ve lost while finding a way forward. Rather than seeing it as a burden, we can learn to embrace grief as a reminder of the love and the memories that remain with us. Let us redefine grief as a journey without an end, one that changes with time but remains a part of who we are. In doing so, we allow ourselves to grieve fully, to love deeply, and to carry forward a piece of what we have lost, forever entwined in the essence of our being.
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Written by: Vedica Podar
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October, 2023