Self-gaslighting is a subtle yet pervasive experience, one that quietly erodes our confidence and self-worth. Unlike traditional gaslighting, where one person manipulates another into doubting their reality, Self-gaslighting is a process we do to ourselves—unknowingly questioning our thoughts, feelings, and memories, often to the point where we begin to believe we’re overreacting, making things up, or unworthy of our own emotions. It’s a form of self-sabotage rooted in doubt and the internalized voices of criticism we may have absorbed from past experiences, relationships, or even cultural expectations that discourage us from validating our feelings. It can be challenging to notice when self-gaslighting is happening because it often masquerades as self-discipline or being “objective” about our own experiences. But beneath this self-doubt lies a much deeper issue: the fear that our feelings and needs are somehow wrong or invalid.

People who self-gaslight might find themselves frequently brushing off their own needs, blaming themselves for things beyond their control, or saying things like, "I'm just being too sensitive," or "Maybe I’m remembering it wrong." This can happen almost automatically and often comes from a place of trying to protect ourselves—believing that if we minimize our needs or pretend everything is fine, we can avoid conflict, disappointment, or feelings of vulnerability. But in reality, this pattern of self-negation slowly eats away at our self-esteem and reinforces the belief that our feelings are somehow wrong or that we are unworthy of kindness and understanding, even from ourselves.
There are misconceptions around self-gaslighting, one of which is that it’s the same as being self-critical or self-aware. While self-awareness is a healthy, balanced view of oneself, self-gaslighting is an internalized form of invalidation that leaves us stuck, constantly undermining our experiences rather than trying to understand or accept them. Another misconception is that self-gaslighting only affects people with low self-esteem, but even those who appear confident can experience it, often feeling unable to trust their own instincts or questioning whether their perceptions are accurate. In some ways, self-gaslighting can even be a learned response to trauma, criticism, or prolonged periods of feeling misunderstood, where we’ve trained ourselves to avoid our own needs to avoid disappointment or conflict.
One of the reasons self-gaslighting can be so hard to recognize is that it often occurs without our conscious awareness. We may think we’re just “keeping things in perspective” or not wanting to “make a big deal out of nothing.” But when we repeatedly tell ourselves that our feelings aren’t valid, that we shouldn’t feel a certain way, or that we’re overreacting, it reinforces a negative cycle where we feel increasingly disconnected from our true feelings. This disconnection can lead us to ignore our boundaries, allow others to mistreat us, or stay in situations that are harmful simply because we’ve convinced ourselves that it’s not “that bad.” We might ignore red flags, justify unhealthy dynamics, or push ourselves beyond our limits, all while downplaying the impact on our well-being.
Breaking free from self-gaslighting requires us to practice self-compassion and develop trust in our own feelings, which can feel uncomfortable, especially if we’ve spent a long time denying them. The first step is awareness—recognizing when we’re downplaying our needs or invalidating our feelings and allowing ourselves to ask, “What am I truly feeling?” We can also work on reframing our inner dialogue by challenging the automatic thoughts that say “I’m overreacting” or “I shouldn’t feel this way” and instead replacing them with affirmations like, “My feelings are valid” or “It’s okay to feel what I feel.” This shift doesn’t happen overnight, but as we practice giving ourselves permission to feel without judgment, we slowly begin to rebuild our self-trust.
One way to counter self-gaslighting is to seek feedback from trusted friends or mental health professionals who can provide an outside perspective, helping us see that our experiences and feelings are real and deserving of validation. Sometimes, simply speaking our feelings aloud and receiving understanding from others can be a powerful way to combat self-doubt and start to reframe the way we view our inner experiences. Journaling can also help, as writing down our thoughts and emotions gives us a chance to see them in a new light and explore what’s behind them without immediately shutting them down.
Breaking the cycle of self-gaslighting is ultimately about learning to accept our own emotions as real and valid, even if they are uncomfortable or don’t align with how others might want us to feel. It’s about reclaiming the right to our inner experiences and realizing that we don’t have to justify or explain our feelings to anyone—not even to ourselves. When we allow ourselves to feel without judgment, we start to cultivate self-acceptance, and with that acceptance comes the strength to stand by our needs, set healthy boundaries, and trust in our ability to navigate life’s complexities with compassion for ourselves.
Written by: Yash Mehrotra
#MentalHealth #SelfLove #Wellbeing #MindMatters #YouMatter #Wellness #Psychology #Gaslighting #SelfGaslighting #ImposterSyndrome #SelfDoubt #Stress #Anxiety
January, 2025